Christmas

Many, if not all, of you, are prepared (preparing) for Christmas. You've got decorations up, gifts bought and wrapped, Christmas music playing, Christmas events going on and possibly even done some Christmas baking. Everywhere you go, you are likely to have some sign of Christmas. I'm sure you're looking forward to some much needed holiday time as well.

Christmas in Changsha is much different. There are no reminders of Christmas. Perhaps the odd Santa decoration is up, but not guaranteed. No Christmas music playing, no great Christmas deals on great gifts. No commercials for this or that. It's just another day. We will need to ask permission from the twins school to pull them out of school for the day (it will be granted as we are foreigners). One day off is all they will get.

You'd think we'd be used to this, being our 6th Christmas here, but it's still strange. No reminders of the 'reason for the season'. Yes, ICC will have Christmas parties for the foreigners across all ICC projects (in fact we just hosted this party this past weekend - it was a blast) and the children will all participate in celebrations as well. The ICC centers are decorated for Christmas with 'Merry Christmas' banners and garland strung everywhere. Yet, it still isn't the same.

Despite our city/country not telling us it's Christmas time, our home says otherwise. We have our tree up, lights up, stockings hung, Christmas music playing, baking happening. But, no gifts bought. Nope, not a one. 2 weeks until Christmas and not a single gift bought. But Christmas is not about gifts, it's about Jesus, and we will remember the reason for the season. Yes, we will still buy a couple of gifts for the children, but they wont be expensive, and there wont be a lot. The twins request this year from Grandma and Papa for Christmas gifts: Fruit Loops and Kraft Dinner. How many nearly 10 year olds will be asking for this?

I am glad we aren't around all the hype this time of year brings. The materialistic view of Christmas. The "I want" coming out of kids mouths every where we go.
But I do miss the church services leading up to Christmas, the Christmas Eve services, seeing houses and parks decorated etc.
Mostly I miss being with family and long time friends. I miss old traditions. I miss snow at Christmastime. We have new friends and new traditions, and it's good. No snow though.

Christmas is different here. Quite different. But we are learning that the way it was and the way it is are both good. The reason we celebrate is still the same. One year we all hope it will work out to be in Airdrie at Christmas time and we can enjoy the old traditions and perhaps introduce our family and friends to some of our new traditions.

No matter where you are or how you are celebrating this year, we want to wish you a very Merry Christmas!

My take on "10 Things Parents of 'Normal' Kids Should Know" by Jami Ingledue

*long, raw, real post*

Since I posted the link "10 Things Parents of 'Normal' Kids Should Know", by Jami Ingledue (on my FB page) Ive been thinking that i want to share a bit about real life in our family.

What Im writing is in direct relation to the article. For those that dont know, we are parenting a young child with ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), anxiety, impulsivity and sensory issues. She also has a lot of trouble with math (possible discalculia). Its quite the combination.

1. THE PROBLEM IS NOT THAT WE OR OUR CHILDREN JUST ARENT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

I cant even start to tell you how hard we are trying and feeling like we fail more times than we succeed. Our daughter does so good at school and yes, she melts down at home. This can mean anything from shutting down and going to her room to full out fits which include hitting, scratching, throwing objects, yelling, not eating.

2. WE'VE TRIED EVERYTHING

I can not begin to list the things we have tried. And I dont mean we try once and give up. We try a method for weeks, sometimes months, to see if its going to work. 99% of the time it doesnt.

Yes, our child "should" be doing a lot of things, like getting herself dressed in the morning and in the evening for bed. I mean, she is nearly 10 now...however, even this task can be too great for her to handle. Dont even talk about teeth brushing or hair combing (thankfully she likes her hair cut short) or bathing. Yes, we've tried everything. And dont tell me that "something" will work for her, we just havent found it yet. No, there isnt "something" that will work.

3. WE'VE AGONIZED OVER THE DECISION TO MEDICATE

Yes. Yes. Yes. We decided to medicate. After being told by her grade 1 teacher that she isnt cut out for school (in any language), we had to do something. A month later, the teacher was impressed with how much better she was. We see a specialist every 6 months to review her meds. With her being on max amount of meds, she tests on the "normal" line. Too bad max dose only lasts 4 hours. Most of the day she is under medicated. She also needs melatonin to sleep at night. A lot. She can not settle on her own. So yes, I lay with my almost 10yr old EVERY night for about 20 min so she can calm her body down. If im not there, she is too distracted by anything (& her room is basically empty except for necessities). Medication is not right for everyone, but it is for our family.

4. NATURAL CONSEQUENCES DO NOT WORK LIKE THEY DO FOR "NORMAL" KIDS

She will not eat typically in public (except rice or McD's). She will not complete her homework if she is getting teased at school for not doing it. She will not learn to listen and eat the next night if she goes to bed hungry because she had a melt down and missed supper the night before.

5. A TOP-DOWN, AUTHORITATIVE APPROACH DOES NOT WORK FOR THESE KIDS

The more we try to tell her what to do "cause we are the parents and you must listen and obey" does not work. A meltdown will happen in the most amazing way. She will assert her ODD in a way you can not even imagine. We must parent in a way that will get her on board with what she needs to do (including simply getting dressed in the morning or eating during the day). We must watch our words and our tone of voice. The use of the word "no" is not recommended. Sometimes redirection works, sometimes it doesnt. We must pick our battles.

6. THERE ARE HOURS UPON HOURS OF UNSEEN COACHING GOING ON BEHIND THE SCENES THAT YOU DONT SEE

Last week we had to talk her out of an anxiety attack because of big winds (caused by a typhoon that was on its way end...that anxiety attack is a whole other story). This is not the first time we've had these discussions. Last week it took about 5 min to calm her, the first time, about 30 min. There has been years of talks to get her to calm down. We talk after EVERY anxiety attack and meltdown on how things could be handled better the next time. Sometimes she remembers, sometimes we are right back where we started from.

7. IF WE ARE LATE OR MISS AN EVENT, IT'S NOT BECAUSE WE ARE UNORGANIZED OR WE DONT RESPECT YOU

This has happened. More than once. Often it's because it has taken too long to calm her. Too long for her to come out of her ODD or anxious state. I wish we could attend everything we are invited to, but we just cant. We must always think about how she will react. Will we be home in time for bed? Will her medicine run out of her system before we get home, if so, how will she be (answer: we never know how she will be)? What is her mood like? We can not predict her mood ahead of time, so we may say yes at the time you ask, but when the day comes, things couldve blown up by then and going out just isnt an option (or having people over).

8. IT'S NEVER-ENDING

Never. It takes a very special person to watch her (yes, even now when she's almost 10). Sending her to camp is not an easy decision. She did well this past summer, but who knows how she will be next year.

Freedom of a normal nearly 10yr old. Nope. Cant do it. I wish we could.

9. WE FEEL ALONE

The writer of the article says "It's hard to talk to other parents honestly about our kids and their achievements. Your kid made the honor roll? Great. Mine didnt kill herself. Yay! Not exactly good for conversation."

This sums it up. Im so happy for those who can brag about your kids achievements. It really is good. But know that a part of me dies every time I read a status like that knowing my child will likely never read at her grade level, never mind above her grade level. My child will likely never be able to tell time using a hand clock or do math. She wont be on a sports team. She wont have sleepovers.

And about not killing herself - you may think this is sarcastic. But you know what, when she has a meltdown, this is so true. Oh, and lets add in that she didnt kill any of us. Because, yes, when she is a full out fit, she says and does things she doesnt mean. She doesnt know what she is saying. So, no, this isnt sarcastic. It is reality.

10. OUR KIDS ARE OFTEN EXCLUDED AND HAVE TROUBLE MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS

Thankfully, she has friends. But she is not at the maturity level most of her peers are at, so I dont know how this will play out as she gets older. Right now its ok. And her twin makes sure she is included. But, kids tend to gravitate more towards her twin than her. 

So, if we are late, if we are on edge, if we are unsure, if we dont jump up and down for your child's accomplishments, it really isnt because of you. Honest. It has everything to do with our journey, our family dynamics and sometimes our feelings that our child can never measure up. And we know you arent posting/sharing/saying things to upset us (i  know this never even crossed your mind). And we really want to be happy for all of you and your families. But sometimes its hard. Especially on a meltdown day.  

Have compassion and try to understand - but I know that is so hard if you arent living in it. Please dont share some cliche phrase or bible verse or some "my _______ is like that and it can be hard when i watch them" type of story in hopes it will give us encouragement. Chances are it wont. 

DO listen. DO care. DO let us rant. DO let us cry on your shoulder when we've had a tough moment (which seems never-ending) or day or week or month. DO call/email/text us. DO ask us how things are (& be prepared for us (ok, me) to breakdown if its been one of those times) with the intention of really wanting to know. We arent looking for you to solve things, but talking it out is sometimes all we need.

Just be there for us. 100%.

Changes - 5 years in

Changes.

As I look back over the last 5 years of serving in Changsha, CHANGE is the word that comes to mind. I can not count how many things have changed. We have all changed in more ways than I can likely count. 

No matter where you are or what you do, change is unavoidable. Change is constant. Change is everywhere. Everyday we grow and change. Some things are subtle, some are not. Some changes you will notice, but your family will not (& vise versa). Some are big. Some are small. Some are scary. Some come easily. Some are internal. Others public. For those of us who believe, we know that God is with us through it all, and that brings us comfort. Change is not a surprise to Him, so he knows exactly what we need to get through.

I hope you'll join me in looking at the changes in our lives. 

THE KIDS

Brendin: has grown from the typical 13 year old to a young man of 18 years old. He moved back to Canada (in 2016) and will begin university, studying engineering, in August (2017). He will be moving to a new city and living in residence. Big, exciting changes are ahead for him! One thing that has not changed is his love for his friends, family and God. He continues to surprise us. 

Jacquelyn: from a pre-teen of 11 years old to a young woman of 16 years old. She is preparing to move back to Canada in just 10 months. She has overcome many obstacles living here and does it with a (fairly, she is a teen after all) good attitude. She continues to amaze me with her love for people, animals and God. I know amazing changes are in her future. Changes to grow her into a wonderful woman of God.

Andrea: from a girl, barely past pre-school age, to someone who is almost in double digits! She has now lived here longer than she lived in Airdrie. She has overcome so much! A diagnosis of ADHD/anxiety/impulsivity/defiance issues/sensory processing concerns hasn't stopped her. She is blossoming into a an awesome girl. She is learning how to self-manage her diagnosis and she doesn't let that define who she is. She is doing so well in local Chinese school. She couldnt speak a word of Chinese when we arrived and now she is entering grade 4, on par with her peers. She enjoys going to local Chinese church and learning about God. She also loves her friends, family and God. 

Alysa: like Andrea, she was barely past pre-school age when we moved here and she is now nearly in double digits! Alysa is also on par with her peers for learning in Chinese. Both girls are often mistaken for local Chinese children. Alysa enjoys going to local Chinese church and learning about God. Alysa, like her siblings, loves her friends, family and God. 

CULTURE 

We had some idea of what the culture would be like when we arrived, but nothing could've prepared us for living here. We were in shock for quite some time. And to be honest, we sometimes still shake our head at things. We learned that just because something is different, doesn't mean it's wrong. Ways of doing things here took a while to get used to. 
Changes from Canadian culture to Chinese culture are many. 

• food
• language
• dress
• driving
• punctuality
• air quality
• green spaces
• playgrounds
• homes/apartments  
• school
• holidays

LANGUAGE

We had to learn a whole new language. Not any new language, one of the hardest languages for a native English speaker to learn. We were thrown into a city where English is extremely limited, so we had to learn mandarin just to survive. No one in the workplace speaks English, so that was an incentive as well to learn. We have gone from not knowing much more than 你好 (ni hao, hello) to being able to have full conversations (although at a 4 year old language level) with locals. We have even learned to read some of the language and can communicate with the local managers, the twins school and other local friends via a popular app called WeChat. There is something very humbling about being illiterate and needing to depend on someone for every little thing. We still need to call on on our bilingual teammates from time to time, but not nearly as much as we used to. We need to trust ourselves more as often when we call them for translation, we understood correctly! 

COMMUNITY/FRIENDS

This has been a biggie for us all. The teens had to learn to be each others best friends as there are no local foreign teens here for them. We had to learn to meet new people, and connect with our team (more on team on the next section). We left all our friends in Canada. That was hard for all of us. With God's leading, we met a group of amazing foreigners (mostly Americans, most are families) about 10 months after we arrived. They are still a huge part of our life. The group has changed over the years with people leaving and others coming, but they are part of the glue that holds us here. It was in this group that each of us found lasting friendships. It's hard to do life as the only couple/family in a team, and these friends gave us a sense of belonging. 

TEAM LIFE 

No one tells you when you leave on missions just how much your teammates will be in your life, or how much you need them in your life. This was a huge change for us. You don't typically work and live and do life with the same group of people. But, here, you do. In a foreign country, where you don't speak the language, and don't know the culture, your team is where you find belonging. 
Our team, in itself, is a cultural hodgepodge. If you thought working with people from other English speaking countries was going to be fairly easy to figure out, think again. We have been on team with 31 different people. Only 4 are still here today. That means we have said hello and goodbye to 27 people. And that's just on our Changsha team, I haven't counted the teammates from Heng Yang or Sanmenxia we have said hello and goodbye to. Never would we have imagined the amazing friendships we would be building. We have made life-long friends. 
To give you an idea of the cultures represented in the team, this is a list of the countries our teammates have come from:

• Australia (12)
• Britain (7)
• Singapore (5)
• America (2)
• Philippines (1)
• Sweden (1)
• Taiwan (1)
• Chinese (1)
• Canada (1)

I don't think the average person goes through this much change in 5 years. Family dynamics, new language, new culture, new community and friends, new workplace, first time working on a close team - can be a recipe for disaster. Thankfully God saw us through every change. He went before us and prepared things, he goes beside us daily and we know he is paving the way ahead of us. 

Would we change anything? NO! Not for a million dollars. The struggles and sacrifices of change are huge, but the benefits are amazing. If you would've asked us 6 years ago if our family could've endured such changes, I would've said you were crazy. Which is probably why God doesn't reveal his whole plan to us at once. We couldn't handle it. 

Would we do it all over again? YES! This opportunity to serve in Changsha far exceeds our greatest dreams. The change we see in ourselves, the kids and our work is so life-giving. If we didn't face the changes, embrace them and grow from them, we would not be loving the life we have now. We are looking forward to the changes that are sure to come our way. They wont all be without suffering, but they will all be worth it.



 


 

Year 3 Review

3 years ago, on this date - Sept 5, we landed in a new country, in a new city with nothing but 17 suitcases, 6 carry-ons and 6 backpacks, and each other. Only God new what was in store for us. 

Every year we have grown (individually and as a family), learned new things and seen His faithfulness. This year has been no exception.

Lets take a look at some highlights over the past year for our family and our ministry: 

September 2014: 
*Returned to Changsha after an amazing summer in Airdrie.
*Brendin began grade 10, Jacquelyn grade 8, and Andrea & Alysa grade 1.
*We took on the role of Team Life Coordinators/Leaders for our international team. 

October 2014:
*Said bye to a teammate who had served for 2.5years. 

November 2014:
*ICC mini-retreat in Changsha. A great time learning from our speaker and being together as a complete international team. 

December 2014:
*We hosted and planned Christmas for the entire ICC international team - not a small job! 
*Celebrated our 3rd Christmas away from family. It does get easier, but we look forward to the year when we can celebrate with extended family.

February 2015:
*Chinese New Year break for the twins from school. Our first experience with the twins out of school for 5 weeks while the teens still had school to do. 
*Family trip to Hong Kong for a week while all the kids were out of school. 

May 2015:
*ICC retreat in Hong Kong. Was an amazing life-giving, fun time. At the end of retreat we said goodbye to teammates who were returning to their home countries (permanently) but also had the chance to meet new team members (serving in Changsha). 

June 2015:
*Made the decision that in 2016 only Brendin and perhaps Jacquelyn and Andrew will return to Airdrie for 6 weeks or so. Brendin will be staying to complete his grade 12. We will all return for furlough in 2017 for Brendin's graduation.
*A young girl (who we 'adopted' as our oldest) from America arrived to serve with us for 3 months. 

July 2015:
*Teens attended a TCK (Third Culture Kid) camp near GuiYang where they saw old friends and met new friends. 
*We took the twins for a weekend tour around GuiYang to see water caves, the tallest waterfall in China and a mountain full of monkeys. 
*Teens traveled on their own to Hong Kong to spend a week with their friends. 
*A young girl from Australia joined our team for the month.  

August 2015:
*ICC COP project hosted 2 summer camps. We had the privilege to be involved as teachers and counselors. 
*Sadly, on August 28 our Pastoral Care Director, Terry, unexpectedly passed away and met Jesus face-to-face. He served with ICC, in some capacity, since its inception in 1993. He was a very special person in each of our lives. He will be greatly missed by our whole family, team and ICC. 

September 2015:
*Brendin begins grade 11, Jacquelyn begins grade 9 and Andrea & Alysa began grade 2. 
*We will be attending Terry's funeral in Singapore on the 13th. 

God's faithfulness throughout the year:

*February: We needed this family vacation, yet didn't know how we would afford it. He put many people in our path who, when put together, provided for our mini-vacation. 
*June: We saw his faithfulness again when we were going to be short on our budget by the amount of rent. I (Darcie) was praying on the way back from taking the twins to school about how we were going to afford to pay the rent this month. When I got home, I was looking in our bin where we keep our budgeted money envelopes. Hidden amoungst the envelopes and receipts was a stack of bills. When counted, it equaled just over the amount of our rent! We checked everywhere to ensure it didn't belong to any forgotten bills or to any person and found it didn't. 
*July 2015: We were down to nearly $0 in our ICC account. Again, he showed his faithfulness by depositing a large amount into our account (anonymous donation). 
*September 2015: Andrew and I both wanted to attend Terry's memorial service in Singapore. We knew all 6 of us couldn't go. We also knew that for the 2 of us to go, we would need someone to watch the twins. It was going to be a stretch, but we could put 2 flights on our visa to go. We looked at flights the other night and decided to sleep on it and decide in the morning who would go. During the night, Andrew received a text from one of our ex-teammates saying that he had a large amount of money that he wanted to donate to anyone who wanted to go to the funeral but couldn't afford it. He deposited the entire amount for 2 flights into our account. I had texted a friend and ex-teammate, who lives in Singapore, to inquire about accommodations. She replied that as her gift to us, she would book and pay for a hotel room for us for the 3 nights. I asked some friends and teammates if anyone could watch the twins. Quickly I received replies that showed childcare for the twins was taken care of. With everything provided for us, we will be going to Singapore to say our goodbyes to Terry. We will leave on Friday, Sept 11 and return on Monday, Sept 14. 

What a crazy, amazing, fun, hard year it has been. We haven't loved every single minute of it, but we wouldn't change anything that happened. We are looking forward to another amazing year serving the abandoned and disabled children in Changsha. We love begin able to be His hands and feet. Thanks to God and everyone who makes this possible for us. We are blessed beyond measure.
 
 

Finding the Joy

Well, my plan of writing each month obviously didn't happen. Oh well. When I write a blog I keep thinking I need to write something serious, something "deep", something that will make people stop and think. Because of this thinking, I haven't written in 6 months. So, I've changed my thinking. I don't have to write a lot, or something "deep" in order to write a blog. Those reading this just want to hear from us. 

I was talking to a friend the other day who is preparing her backyard for so many great things - garden, gazebo, shed, trampoline, play area for her children. While I am thrilled for her, it leaves me feeling sad for the things our kids are missing out on - like a yard to play in. While talking to her, I was reminded that we may not have a yard, but it doesn't mean our kids are growing up deprived. We live in a very safe complex where our 7yr olds can ride bikes all over without worry of being taken, without worry of being hit. We live on the 2nd floor so when the twins friends come out front and call out "An Jue, Li Sha, come play with us!" they can reply from the window. Kids actually come calling on the twins. The kids in the complex will meet in the "exercise park" and play - without toys, without trampolines, without slides, without swings. They play with balls, rollerblades, scooters, pogo sticks, bikes and their imagination! Back to the basics. They really aren't missing anything. If anything, they have gained freedom and the joy of just playing. 

Our teens had the opportunity to grow up with a yard - and restrictions on where they could go. They are finding joy and fun in other ways now. Bike riding around town. Going for walks. Strolling the mall. Hanging out together. Watching movies together when the rest of us are out. Staying up to midnight playing Xbox or playing on iPods. But if you ask them, no, they aren't friends. They have a relationship they never would've had if we were still living in Airdrie. 

So, are my kids "deprived"? No. They aren't. 

We all have joy living here. We wouldn't change things for the world. This is our life. Finding joy in the everyday things. Focusing on the joy. Like when I show up to work last Thursday morning expecting to join in with "my kids" education class only to find out that the teacher took the day off to extend her long weekend. I was up early, no workout, and at work on a day I usually work from home. Was I upset? Yeah, a little. But I got to see the kids. I got to see their faces light up when they saw me. Joy. Their joy in seeing me turned me feeling upset into joy. 

Life is crazy here, everywhere. We have to be intentional on finding the joy. Surrounded by concrete buildings, I find the joy in the tree-lined streets creating a canopy over the road. Finding joy in early morning rides with little traffic. Joy in being able to use our language skills more. Joy when you watch a movie and there is a scene with Chinese people and they speak Chinese and then your twins say "Look! They are Chinese!" and then you ask if they know what they said and without thinking your twins say "wo xiang qu! I want to go!"

Finding the joy in unexpected days like today. Pancake breakfast with the whole family (even both teens got up to join in!) and then spending the afternoon outside having a family water balloon fight and then the kids biking and running around the complex together. 

Finding joy isn't always easy, but it's always there. You just have to look for it. 

The Little Things

Its been a while since I've had the time to write here. My plan is to write something monthly. We'll see how that goes, I'm already 2 weeks behind on my plan, and this is the first month. 

As many of you know, we spent 10 weeks over the summer in Canada. After 22 months in Changsha, China, we had the privilege to go back to Airdrie for 10 weeks. It was a time to reconnect, relax, and reflect. Thanks to everyone who made our time in Airdrie a memorable, wonderful, 'cant wait to do it again' trip! Your love for our family, and how you each showed that, blessed us beyond words. I can not express how grateful we are for each of you. We love you.

But enough about that. On to writing what I came here for. 

The Little Things

Its not often we take time to sit and look back on how far we have come and what we have learned. We often notice the big things we have learned, the big changes - the things that can be marked with 'flashing lights', with a 'WOW!', the unmistakeable big things that happen in our lives. 

How often to we really take note of the small changes taking place in our lives? The everyday things, that little by little, add up to something huge, something amazing, something that you never thought could be accomplished. 

I've had a few moments this past month where something has happened that has me in awe of just how far I/we have come in the past 2 years. 2 years ago, my thoughts would've been "never! that wont be me/us". 2 years of little things happening each day, that have now added up to huge things. 

2 years ago we didnt know the bus system. We didnt know how to tell a taxi driver where we wanted to go. We didnt drive electric bikes. We didnt know street names. We didnt know how to get across the river. I was so confused with the street names, directions and neighbour hoods. Now, we both ride electric bikes as though we have been doing it our whole lives (for me, I just learned in May how to ride). Just last week we rode our bikes to our friends place on the West side of the river - and didnt get lost. The other day a guest was lost when taking the bus (didnt get off on the right stop). Andrew was accurately able to tell them where they needed to go to get back to the complex.  From confusion to confidence. 

2 years ago we could say 'ni hao' (hello) and 'zai jian'. Now, not only can we say it, we can write it: 你好  and 再见。 We can say a whole lot more, and write more, as well. We are having little text conversations on WeChat in Chinese. We can have simple phone conversations as well. Although there is a whole lot we don't understand, there is so much more we do. Its amazing. 10 days ago we went to the furniture market to look at round tables. We wanted 8 chairs and a lazy susan for the table. We knew our budget for this. We also knew how to confidently ask the shop keepers our questions (including if they could give us a discount) - and understand the answers. It was such a confidence booster. Today, my electric bike's battery was dying. We took it to the bike shop. We were able to convey was wrong, understand the answer and get it fixed. It runs good as new now. 

Our new table - 8 chairs & a lazy susan for less price than they were asking for the table with 6 chairs

                                                                    Me and my bike 

Relationships. We have explained many times just how important relationships are here. With our team, with the locals, with our local staff and children. It takes time to build those relationships. 2 years ago, we knew no one. We didn't know where we fit in these relationships. Now, we know. The warm welcome we received from everyone when we returned was amazing. The welcome from our team was as though we were family - we are family. There was excitement on the local shopkeepers faces when they saw us back at the market and buying local food (like the bread from the 'bread man'). When we went into the centers, the pure joy from the staff and children showed us just how much they appreciate us. 2 years to build relationships that will continue to grow and last a lifetime. 

On a day to day basis we didn't notice how well we were getting to know our city. We didn't think our language skills were improving that much. We weren't sure how well we were building relationships. Now that we are back, any doubt we had has been erased. 

Take note of the little things. Look for where those little things will take you. Notice the big things too - look for the little things that added up to the big thing. 

Take it all in. Time is so precious. Knowledge is so precious. Learn every day. Stretch yourself every day. Get out of your comfort zone - little by little. One step at a time. Do the little things that will lead to something amazing! 

Canada - ready or not, we're coming!

In one month we will be back in Canada. I guess the appropriate punctuation would be an (!) not a (.). However, there is part of each of us that is (!) and part of us that is (.) about returning. Its only for 10 weeks, but there are still a million emotions and thoughts racing through our minds as the time nears. 

I'm going to take excerpts/thoughts/ideas from the book Re-entry - Making the Transition From the Missions to Life at Home, by Peter Jordan, to discuss some of what we may go through. This book, although a really simple read, is packed with information on returning to your home country (permanently or for furlough). I hope to be able to explain some things that we anticipate going through/feeling, and how you can help us with it. Most of the points will refer to Andrew & I, but some will be very relevant for B & J. The twins, well, it could go either way! 


Being misunderstood
What we may go through: Discussing our time in Changsha/China and others not seeing the value/importance in what we have done/are doing. Others may think we are not "qualified" to do this mission.
You can help us by: Ask us questions if you are unsure of anything we have said/done. Even though you may not see value in what we have done, this may not be the time to share that with us. We understand not everyone agrees with what every missionary does out in the field, and we respect that. Please respect us in the same way. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8: 28

False guilt for coming home
What we may go through: Not knowing how the team is while we are away for 2.5 months. Worrying that our tasks will not be covered and things will not get done - even though these things have been delegated to others. That us leaving has burdened the team with greater responsibilities because they temporarily took on our roles. Worrying about the ICC kids. Knowing how they depend on us to arrive at work and now this will mess with their routine. Feeling this way because our longest-serving team member is going on sabbatical at the same time. 
You can help by: Reminding us that the team has agreed to take on these extra responsibilities. That if there is an emergency we are only an email away. That the children are cognitively aware enough to know we are coming back, and when. 


Reverse Culture Shock - this is probably the biggest one!
What we may go through: Feeling "out of place", or lonely - no longer 100% understanding where we fit with our groups, friends or family. Not fully understanding where you are coming from. We may react in odd ways - not being able to make a choice from amoungst so many options (like choosing a loaf of bread, or choosing a TV program to watch). Not knowing how to react to Western materialism - how could someone spend so much money on one item, the ads for "buy this/buy that", feeling overwhelmed, not becoming critical of this. 
You can help us by: Being aware! Understand that some things may need more explanation than you may think (and some things may not need it!) - especially those things revolving around the latest fashions, actors, TV programs, latest books, politics. Help us make a choice - this may mean going shopping with us. Remind us of what we bought in the past. As for the Western materialism, that we just have to figure it out! 

I'd like to expand on this one a little more. There are going to be some things that are going to be easy for Andrew, B, J and I to revert back to, but for the twins, some things will be harder. One thing that comes to mind is eating etiquette. Because the twins eat 3 meals a day at school, they have adapted well to the cultural norms here. Such as: using kuaizi (chopsticks), putting unwanted food on the table (or floor), putting the bowl right up to their mouths and 'shoveling' food in and burping without saying "excuse me".

The need to ration everything. We have become used to eating just the right amount of cheese, cereal, PB, bread etc because we don't know if the store will have it next time we go. We need to remember that we CAN go up the street to Superstore and get more - we don't need to fear running out. 

Lining up for things will be something to re-learn. No line-ups here. Just a mob of people trying to get to the front. No matter where - grocery stores, movie theater, entrance to an event. Crossing at the cross-walk, not just in the middle of the road. I'm pretty sure all of us could cross the highway without getting hit. Walking on the sidewalk when it just may be more convenient to walk on the road, even in the middle of the road. 

We have been immersed with the team and have picked up sayings and wordings that we never said before. We call this the ICC language - a little British English, a little Aussie English, some American English, some Canadian English, and some Singaporean English, along with Chinglish (Chinese English). All mixed in together. My parents pointed this out to us when they were here - that we are saying phrases that we never used to.  

Convenience. Of grocery shopping. Of food options. Of using a vehicle. Of watching TV. Of going to a park. So many conveniences. Things that are so limited here. Things that we have adapted to and no longer see as an inconvenience. 

Having so much free space to roam in. Not having someone right on top of you all the time. This was hard to get used to when we arrived, but now we are quite accustomed to it. Having fresh air (this wont be hard to get used to!!). Seeing blue skies (cant wait!). J commented that there is going to be so many white people at home. We will go from standing out in a crowd to blending in. Understanding the conversations going on around us. Having a vehicle to use. 



"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 11-13 
We hope to be able to be this adaptable! 

Changes you may see in us
Physical: The most obvious will be Brendin. He has surpassed Andrew in height! The girls have grown & changed, but not at the same rate as Brendin. Andrew & I have more grey hair (sad, sad fact :( ). I have lost weight (this is a good thing!). Andrew has too. 

Social: This may be harder to notice. Less obvious. Things like: showing a greater understanding and acceptance of other races and ethnic groups. Although, I'd like to think we were very open-minded and accepting before coming to China. Being able to see things from another cultures point of view. 

Emotional: This could be the hardest as we experience some changes in some of the relationships we left behind. This will likely effect each of us. However, with modern technology, and being able to keep in contact with others on a regular basis, this may not be the case at all. However, we may not be as close to some as we were before we left, or we may find we have closer bonds with others where there was previously little to no bond. 

Political: We have a better appreciation for Communism. No, we don't agree with it. No, we don't promote it. But, for this country, it works and was necessary. We have seen the "friendly Canadian" quite evident here. We have not had to experience any negatives of being Canadian, or being ashamed of being Canadian (GO CANADA!). 

Spiritual: We have all grown spiritually. Its inevitable that this will happen. We have had to depend on God more here than at home. Its a good thing!


These are just some changes that we have gone through and that you may notice in us.