Suffering for Him

Suffering comes in all shapes and sizes. Suffering to one person is not going to be suffering to another. All who follow Jesus will suffer for Him. In our own way. In His timing. Not everything we do will include suffering. We wont necessarily tell others how we are suffering for Him. On the other hand, it may be plain and clear to others how we are suffering. 

It is not our job to judge another's suffering. However, we all do it. Unintentionally, I'm sure. But we may have that small thought or comment. I know I have. 

I've heard some people say some missionaries aren't 'suffering' like others are. But perhaps their suffering isn't completely visible to others. I know I thought that when I went on my first couple of missions trip and saw missionaries with iPads, cars, new computers, big screen TV's etc. I had those thoughts of "why are they able to afford/have these things". Its the little things I don't know about - like the item was refurbished, not new. That it was a gift. That they saved for 6+ months to get the item. But really, is it my business to know these things? Do they need to defend themselves? 

Now that we are one of those missionaries, I have mixed feelings. Part of me feels that I shouldn't have to defend what we have if it was a gift, or purchased with money that was given to us for Christmas or birthdays. The other part of me feels very defensive to explain to others so understand that we arent wasting partnership money.  

So, without getting defensive, I want to share with you guys how we, as a family and as individuals, are 'suffering'. These are listed in no particular order. 

• We don't speak the language above a baby/toddler level. We have lots of vocabulary and can make simple sentences. We can get by. We can ask a lot of questions, but don't always understand the answers. 
• Brendin and Jacquelyn do not have friends here their age. In fact, Brendin has no friends here and Jacq's only friend is 2 years younger than her and she spends all her time studying (she gets a few hours off on a Sunday afternoon to play/hang out). 
• Andrew is one of 2 men our team. The other man is, literally, old enough to be his dad. He is wonderful, but a whole generation older. It's different than having a friend your own age. (There are 7 ladies on our team) 
• We rely on public transport to get everywhere. That, or our own 2 feet. Yes, Andrew was able to buy an electric bike (cost $150CAD) which is a huge help if he needs to zip out to get a few groceries and to get to work. He can take the twins on the bike, but no one else - we are all too big. Changsha has a law that only 1 adult is allowed on a bike at a time. So, if we want to go out as a family, its bus, taxi or walk. 
• We have to go to the market nearly every day to get groceries as we don't have a fridge big enough to hold more than a couple days worth of food. 
• Western food is a treat here - and you pay for it! Simple things, like a bag of chicken nuggets or hot dogs for the kids, are expensive in comparison to local food. These things are a twice a month treat. One Western meal out costs us the same as 3 Chinese meals out. This is a once a month treat.
• We live in a small flat with no back yard, no balcony. And we don't have a choice where we get to live. All foreigners with no language (working for the welfare center) get to live in this complex. We are blessed to have a flat with 4 rooms, so everyone gets there own room (the twins share, but they wouldn't have it any other way!). We also have a bathtub in our flat and 2 western toilets, both which are blessings. 
• When we go to work, we cant carry on conversations with the caregivers. We use simple words for the day to day information passing, but for the big things we need to arrange a translator. Arranging a translator is hard. And if concerns come up while at work we need to put it on hold until we can get someone in to help us address it. 
• As part of a foreign team, we are the only Canadians. Actually, we are the only North Americans on our team (in Changsha). We not only have to get accustomed to the Chinese culture, but also to the culture and vocabulary of the other countries that our team consists of. 
• We are the ONLY family on the field (all 3 cities) at this time.

• We are one of only 3 couples on the field at this time. The other 2 couples are not in Changsha. 
• We live on a VERY tight, cash only, budget. Typically no extra funds for things like buying new clothes for the kids, going to see a movie, go swimming, go bowling or even to go to McDonalds for lunch. 

There are more examples, but this will do. We suffer in different ways than others. But we suffer nonetheless. I'm sure many of you can relate to some of the points I listed, even if  you are living in your home country, speaking your heart language (this is the language you are most comfortable speaking, usually your first language, but not necessarily). Some of you are missionaries, like us, and can relate to all these points. 

My aim of this blog is not to point fingers at others. It's not to say that we are suffering more than others. It's not to say that we aren't suffering at all. It is simply to show you that we all go through hard times. Some of those times come and go, some have become a part of your current situation and don't seem to be going anywhere. It's not our place to judge. That is God's job, and His alone. 

Until you have seen/heard firsthand what someone else is going through, you just don't know. What I ask is that if you are unsure of something, ask the person/family. Ask us about what life is like for us. Be specific in your questions so you can get the information you are looking for. Don't compare. Each person/family/situation is different. You may think that a certain missionary is suffering greatly because of how you would feel, but perhaps, to that person, it isn't suffering at all, and in fact, they consider something completely different to be where they are suffering. And as I said, what one considers suffering another may consider joy. You just never know.
 

2 Thessalonians 1:5-7 All this is evidence that God's judgement is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels.

Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way  you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you."




 

Year In Review

YEAR IN REVIEW   

September 3, 2012- August 31, 2013

Highlights from the past year

SEPTEMBER 2012

*This is obvious: we moved to Changsha!

All 17 suitcases, 6 carry-ons, 6 backpacks,

2 car seats and 6 people made it with no

Problems!!! 

OCTOBER 2012

*First time setting fireworks off from the

roof of our building (in honour of one of

our team members, he turned 60!)

NOVEMBER 2012

*We participated in ICC’s ‘mini-retreat’. 

*First time meeting the team from Heng Yang (HY) and Sanmenxia (SMX)

DECEMBER 2012

*Christmas in Changsha!! It really was a

great time with the HY & SMX teams

teams coming to CSX 

JANUARY 2013

*Twins turned 5!

*Twins began school, ½ days

FEBRUARY 2013

*First experience of Chinese New Years

*First experience of having the twins attend school on the weekend to make up for days off during the week. 

MARCH 2013

*Twins begin full days at school 

APRIL 2013

*Andrew turned 40!

*Brendin turned 14!

MAY 2013

*Darcie turned 39 (not so exciting)

*Our anniversary – Josie watched the kids overnight so we could have a night away. Our first time going out without the kids.

*ICC had their 20^th anniversary celebrations – a great time was had by all!

JUNE 2013

*We had our orientation – learned lots!

*We met a family from the USA. They

introduced us to their fellowship time.

We met more families from attending

their fellowship. These families have

Become our friends. 

JULY 2013

*Jacquelyn turned 12!

*We found out about an M camp for

foreign kids.

*HOT HOT HOT!! Temperatures were

above +38*C all month 

AUGUST 2013

*Brendin & Jacquelyn attend said camp. First time on the slow train. 13 hour train ride, one way, to get them to camp!

*Andrew & Darcie volunteer with the COP summer camps. The twins come as well. Great fun!

__________________________________________________________________________________

 

This year has been filled with so many firsts. So many adventures. So many new things. It’s been a year of ups and downs. A year of learning new ways and trying to figure out how our old ways fit in. There have been things we would do again, and others we never want to do again.

Going through the stages of culture shock and culture competence have been a huge learning curve for us.(You can read about that on the blog www.journeytochina.blogspot.com) We have adjusted well to this new culture, but there has still be lots of moments of culture shock and feelings of culture competence/incompetence.

In the past few months we have really noticed how we view things so much differently than we did last year. The driving habits of the Chinese, although unsafe, don’t bother us like it used to. When we saw something going on that we used to stare at, we now just walk right on by without a second thought – like a child peeing on the sidewalk. The little things are really starting to mean a lot. The other day I was out with a friend, and she needed to use the bathroom. She came back and exclaimed that the washroom had toilet tissue, soap and paper towels. Amazing! We have found some websites to download TV shows on. It’s so nice to be able to watch an episode of one our favourite TV programs.

The kids have adjusted to being inside way more than they used to, especially this summer. They have also adjusted to playing with what they can. The twins are content to kick a soccer ball on the road in front of our place. They are happy to use sidewalk chalk there as well. A year ago it was so hard to keep the kids’ happy while outside without a playground/field. Now they are happy to be out whenever they can. The odd time we get up to the park, but that is a good 20min trip, one way.

The older kids have much more freedom than they did last year. They go shopping at the market and the neighbourhood grocery store – on their own. They have also gone up to where the park is to get baking items from the baking store there. They are happy to have gained this little bit of freedom. Jacquelyn likes to go across the street and order noodles for her lunch. She is able to go on her own and order exactly what she wants.

We were quite intimidated in the first few months. Trying to figure out what will soon become normal, how to communicate to be understood, how to build relationship with strangers. I can say that a year later, we have made huge progress. We have developed a new normal, we can be understood (usually), and we have built relationships.

Yes, this year has held a lot of adventures for us. A lot of learning. We wouldn’t change a thing. We would do it all over again.

I had asked you all to write to me about some things you were interested in hearing about in regards to our first year here. Here are the answers to what you wanted to know about.

What do you do at work?

Andrew: one on one with the boys at the Lighthouse. They go for walks around the neighbourhood, play games, or color. He just spends quality time with the boys.

Darcie: At En Quan Yuan (highest needs site) I work with a group of 5 boys. I work closely with one young boy (6yrs old) who is deaf/blind, has mild epilepsy and has issues swallowing. I work with a team aiming to give him the best possible life. I am developing a specific group time play to implement with the children. I ‘pop’ in to see the other children when I have time.

             At the Lighthouse I continue to work with another team member to improve the quality of care for the youngest age group there. I have recently introduced a circle time routine for the little ones. They love it! We are trying to show the carers how important it is to play with the children in an appropriate, meaningful way.

            At the VTC (Vocational Training Center) I go in once in a while to facilitate a fun activity on a Friday afternoon. I go in 1-2 times a month. Our latest project was making flower pots using tin cans, paper mache and paints.

How much time do you spend at work?

Andrew spends 1.5 days at the sites.

Darcie spends 3 days at the sites.

We also do 2, 2hr lessons a week of language study. This also counts as work.

How do the children respond to us now? Are they happy to see us? Can we hold them? Are they afraid or seek comfort in your arms?

                    When we first arrived, the children weren’t sure about these new foreigners. They were keeping us at arms length. Over the year, we have developed a trust with them. In August some of the girls from the Lighthouse that I see every week, (but don’t specifically work with) went to the ICC COP summer camp. When one girl saw me, her face lit up. The lady volunteering with her for the camp commented “She knows you! She really likes you”. This girl is non-verbal, so her face expressed it all. The kids look for us and notice when we are not in at our scheduled time.

                      They are always happy to see us and come up to us when we arrive.

                       Darcie can hold the young ones, but the other children are too old to be held. They do allow us to give them hugs or touch them in other ways (pat on the back, rub on the arm).

                       They are not afraid of us. The little ones in that I (Darcie) work with will be comforted by me when they are upset. The other children don’t necessarily look for us to find comfort. I think this is because of the language. We cant understand them 100% when they try to tell us what is wrong.

What does Andrew do all day?

A lot! He is in at the projects on Monday mornings and all day Thursday. When he is home he does most of the school runs for the twins, shopping at the market – nearly daily, laundry, cooking…he does quite a bit while I’m at work.

What does ICC do? Are they making a difference?

           ICC strives to give abandoned and disabled children a second chance at life. They strive to show the children a family style of living by having the children in small family sized groups. ICC has the resources to give the children an education, therapy and health. In a non-in-your-face-evangelical way the children are able to be introduced to G0d. 3-4 older children have been bapt!zed this past year. It has been done quietly, but it has happened. ICC trains the local staff in all areas of how to care for the children. ICC works alongside the locals to provide quality care for all the children.

           ICC certainly does make a difference! They have raised the bar for quality care. They have been able to care for children who most likely would have died had they not arrived in ICC. ICC has trained local staff to value the disabled. This acceptance of the disabled is something that can be modeled to others in the city. The local staff are proud to be working with ICC. They are not ashamed to be seen with the abandoned and disabled. Some of these children who had been discarded have been able to find forever families. ICC advocates for the children. To have them be on the adoption list, to have them receive the best possible care available.

Now that you’ve been for a year, how can you encourage others to join you – to be unafraid of something God has placed on their heart? How can they step into their calling and know that God is faithful to their needs?

It is hard to be unafraid to jump off in faith. But the rewards are so worth it! It really is taking that leap of faith. If you feel G0d truly has called you and placed something on your heart, then just do it. If it’s His will, He WILL take care of you. He promises to care for you. We would tell them to fully investigate this calling on their heart. Pray. Pray lots. Seek G0dly counsel. If it is His will, the doors will open for you. They may not be opened at all at once, or as fast as you would like, but they will be opened, and they will stay opened until you are completely through each door. It is a ride of a lifetime. One that you will not regret. God is enough to sustain you. He really is. If He will take care of this family of 6 from small town (well, city) Alberta in China, He will take care of you! He takes care of his children. He always has, He always will. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He will not lead you astray. He will give you what you need. It may not be what you want, but it is ALWAYS what you need. Living in His will is so peaceful. He will be faithful. Trust Him.

What’s one thing you would say to another family that is new to this?

Enjoy every minute. It goes by way to fast. Embrace every opportunity. Look for the good. Celebrate the small accomplishments every day. Keep your eye on Jesus, He will lead you where you need to go.

What have been your biggest struggles over the past year?

I think one of our biggest struggles has definitely been the language barrier. It is very hard to get by without language. We still struggle at times with this. A big struggle for the kids has been living without their friends.

What have been your biggest accomplishments over the past year?

Learning the language. We have also been able to build up relationships with the local staff at the projects. Building relationships takes time and we have come a long way.

What has been your biggest adjustment this year?

There have been a lot of adjustments this year: a much smaller home – an apartment, no yard, no vehicle, no clothes dryer, no cable TV, no family/friends, no language skills, new jobs…I’ll stop now, there are so many more adjustments we all have had to make. Everything has been an adjustment. Nothing has been the same.

What did you miss during the first few months here? What do you miss the most now? Is it the same things as last year?

Andrew: He missed watching and playing sports. He still misses watching and playing sports.

Darcie: Family and friends. I missed some comfort foods, but not as much as I thought I would. Now I’m doing good and am not really missing anything. Of course I will always miss my family and friends, but I’m learning how to live with the way things are now. Cant wait to see everyone next summer though!!

Brendin: Friends. He still misses his friends. He also misses milkshakes.

Jacquelyn: She really missed Grandma. She still does. Other than that, she doesn’t really miss anything.

The twins didn’t have an answer (to any of the questions really). They miss their friends. They talk about a few of the friends they had in Airdrie. They miss Airdrie. They ask when they can go back. They also miss Grandma and Papa.

What could you live without ever doing again in your life?

Andrew: no comment

Darcie: I could live without a huge house. I’m actually enjoying a smaller place.

What would you do again in a heartbeat?

Set off fireworks around the complex and from the rooftop.

Follow where G0d has called us. It’s really not as scary as you think .

What has been your biggest change over the past year?

When we first arrived, so many things here seemed strange and unusual. Now, they just seem normal. We are learning a new normal. Things don’t bother us as they used to.

What has been the biggest change in your kids?

When we first moved here, and even prior, the kids did not like the idea of being here. The other day Jacquelyn said she liked living here now. The kids have really grown up (literally, they are soooo tall now!). They have matured and are really learning about doing life with people from different cultures.

Since being there for one year, what is one luxury you took for granted (in Canada) that you don’t have there?

Andrew:  clothes dryer (although we recently, just last week, got a dryer from a family who is moving back to the USA)

Darcie: a vehicle

Brendin: friends and surround sound

Jacquelyn: freedom to go around town on her own

What is the same between Canada and China that has surprised you?

 Children all act the same. This didn’t really surprise us, but it’s what is the same. They want attention from their parents, so they do what they can to get that. They act out, they cry, they put up a fight in public if they don’t get what they want. It’s hard to see what is the same when so many things are so extremely different. McDonalds food is the same.  

What are some things people at home have done to make you feel supported and loved?

Care packages have arrived, unexpectedly. Cards have arrived. It’s the little things that have meant a lot. The random email, or Skype/FaceTime conversations, or comments left on Facebook. Of course, whenever we receive an updated financial update from ICC that is always a feeling of support and love – that you all still financially support and believe in the work we are doing here. We smile when we hear from someone that someone has asked about how we are doing.

What are other things that would mean a lot to each of you?

Darcie: snail mail J I would love to get an envelope filled with encouragement notes/verses. I would string them together and hang them up in the house to be a constant reminder of their love and support for us, and as a reminder that we are here to serve Him.

Andrew: Skype. Continue to support us. Organize a WALK THE WALL to raise funds for ICC Changsha.
Brendin: Send his BFF, Justin, here to visit. Other than that, he says ‘no comment’.
Jacquelyn: Send her good friends, Rebekah & Stella, here to visit. Send her pictures of Airdrie and of her friends to put on her wall. Text/FaceTime her.

Would we do it again?

Absolutely. No doubt.

What has been your most memorable experience?

We were interviewed by the local news right after the 20^th Anniversary celebration weekend. It aired on the news a couple days later.

What are you most grateful for from this experience?

We are grateful for the opportunity to experience a new culture. We are grateful for the chance to work with ICC and to be blessed by the children and the team here. This experience has opened our eyes to a whole new world. It has given the kids a chance to see a part of the world they otherwise may never have had the opportunity to see.

What have your children taken from this so far?

That people are people. Kids are kids. They have learned not to take things for granted. They have seen how others live.

If we were given this type of opportunity again would we choose China or somewhere else?

God chose China for us. If He asked us to go somewhere else, we would follow. If He wants us to stay in China, we will stay.

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said “Here am I.”

Has this brought your family closer together and closer to God?

Yes and yes. It has been great to get to know the kids again. We have spent more quality time together: playing games, going for walks, etc. The kids have had no choice but to hang out with each other. It has been really nice to see everyone (usually) getting along.

As for getting closer to God: when you are in a situation when you have nothing to rely on but God, your circumstance just naturally brings you closer to God. We spend more time in devotionals, more time in prayer, and more time in worship.

What is it like, now, to take the bus by yourself, walk down the street, etc? How is this different from when you first arrived?

We have no problems taking the bus alone. When we first arrived it was a little intimidating, but now it’s no problem. We are comfortable to bus or walk anywhere. The older kids are fine to walk around the neighbourhood on their own. They go to the market and grocery store on their own.

We do get stared at as we are foreigners, but we barely even notice anymore.

Are the people friendly?

The people are very friendly to us. They are patient when we try to talk in Mandarin. They are eager to have a conversation with us; unfortunately we don’t understand all they want to tell us. They (usually) give up their bus seat for the twins. 

Do you feel safe? Did you always feel safe?

Yes, we feel very safe. When we first arrived, there was a general feeling that we were safe, but we still kept a close eye on all the kids. They now have a lot more freedom when going out as we do not feel in danger at all. It is quite safe in our neighbourhood.

How have you adapted to the food?

The food has been great! When we are at a restaurant we always ask for it “Bù yào làjiāo” – we don’t want chili peppers! Then they often tell us that if there is no chili then it’s not flavourful. We eventually get them to not cook it with chili peppers. The food here is VERY spicy! The kids say its way better then the Chinese food at home.

What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

Andrew has been the only one to really try new foods. His strangest food was bullfrog. He says it is great. He also ate/eats fish eyes. He likes those too. Alysa has eaten seaweed and enjoyed it. Lotus stems are good too. I guess that’s a little strange for us.

How do the deaf communicate? Do they use ASL (American Sign Language) or their own language?

No, they do not use ASL. Each country has its own sign language. China has its own sign language. Some of the signs are based on the characters. Some of the signs are quite similar to ASL/Signed English. I have learned some signs and would like to learn more. We have only a few children that are deaf in ICC but there is quite a large deaf community. The problem with China is that each city has its own dialect. There is the basic Putonghua (Mandarin) but many locals speak their cities dialect. The same is true for sign language. There is basic sign language, but each city has its own unique signs. So I could sign in Changsha, but if I went to Kunming I may not have a clue what they are saying. 

A day in the life of Andrew & Darcie

6:15 am    Darcie gets up to workout

7:00 am    Twins need to be up for school

8:00 am    Twins start school

8:15/8:30am Leave for work  (Mon, Wed, Thurs)

8:30am/9:00am Mandarin lessons (Tues, Fri)

Morning work shift is typically 9am-12pm

Mandarin lessons are for 2 hours

12:00noon   Pick up twins from school for lunch break

2:30pm      Twins go back to school

Afternoon work shift is typically 2:00pm-4:45pm

5:30pm    Pick twins up from school

After school is time for the twins to do their homework. This can take anywhere from 30-90min. They do math and character writing.

6:00/6:30pm    Dinner

7:30/8:00pm   Twins go to bed

9:30pm             Brendin & Jacquelyn go to bed

10:30/11:00pm   We go to bed

Saturday and Sunday the twins are up around 7:30am, Jacquelyn around 10:30am, and Brendin around noon. Saturday we try to do a family activity. Sunday is ch*rch.

When are you coming back?

We plan to be home in July and August 2014.

I hope you enjoyed reading about our last year. I look forward to writing to you in the coming year. We are still in shock that one year has gone by already. Before we know it we will be back in Airdrie for a couple of months.

We hope you have an awesome year as well. Take care everyone!
Love Andrew, Darcie, Brendin, Jacquelyn, Andrea, Alysa