Culture Shock & Culture Awareness

A couple months ago (end of June), we had our orientation with ICC. As first I was annoyed that it was happening so late. We had already been here for 9 months! What would this week in orientation really teach me that I haven't learned from being with the team and immersed in the culture. Well, there were a lot of things I learned over the week. Perhaps the biggest thing I learned was about Culture Shock and Culture Awareness. 

Culture Shock
There are 5 stages to culture shock. Most people go through all 5 stages, but not necessarily in the same order. Some people will go through some of the stages, but not always all 5. And some people will go through certain stages more then once. There is no set time to how long someone will be at each stage. As we were talking though the stages, I tried to see where I/we fit in.   

1. Initial Enthusiasm (Honeymoon phase) - Usually the persons first few weeks in the new culture. They have limited exposure to the county. Full of excitement and enthusiasm. Everything is wonderful and positive. 
We were at this stage for about 6 weeks. We enjoyed everything about being here. We had yet to start work. We were still getting accustomed to everything.  

2. Initial Country/Culture Shock - You have had more exposure to the country. Things are more realistic now. Enthusiasm turns to frustration. You realize how vulnerable and dependent you are. Homesickness sets in. Nothing is routine about your day. You are unable to communicate as you would like to. 
We stayed here for only a short time. We each had about a week (not all at the same time!) where we hated things here and questioned why were here. The kids stayed here a bit longer then Andrew & I. 

3. Initial Adjustment - Routines begin to fall in place. Aspects of the country/culture that were causing you frustration turn into your new normal. Adjustment to the physical aspects is better. You are more self-reliant. You are more positive about your ability to function in the country. 
This is a nice place to be. We got work schedules. We knew where to buy things. We had begun language classes and could communicate a bit. We were excited again to be out and about in the culture. We began to laugh at the things that used to cause us frustration. 

4. Further Culture Shock - You are adjusting to being on your own in the new country. You encounter your first problems (at work) with aspects of the culture with surprises and frustrations. You miss daily contact with those from your own country who understand you and how you speak. You are surprised that you are feeling this way, you thought you were past this. 
This is a tough place to be. I think we all have our days here. Not weeks in a row - thankfully! The biggest part of this stage was missing those from our home country. We are the only Canadians in Changsha. We have words and phrases no one knows. There are other British and Australians, but no Canadians here. Every now and again we miss Canadian talk, but its not too bad any more. 

5. Further Adjustment - You are adjusting to being isolated from your home culture. You can take better care of your self, on your own. You are learning the language and can communicate better. You start to make friends with some locals. You are more effective at work because you understand the culture better.   
I believe this is where we are now. We have spent the most time at this stage over the past year. We are fairly comfortable being out on our own. We know where things are and where to find them. Our language is 100 times better then it was last year (not hard to do since last year we had zero language and now we can have a small conversation). Work is better since we can communicate with the locals there. The culture seems normal now. 

It was nice to learn that there are no 'normals' for each stage. When we didn't stay in stage 2 or 4 for long, we thought something was abnormal about us. As a family we talked about this and how we feel 'at home' here. We talked about that it feels like we've been here our entire lives (except for the fact we cant speak the language). That we are comfortable here. Brendin told us that the reason we are feeling this way is because God has called us here and we have His peace in us. If God didn't want us here, we wouldn't be this peaceful about life here. Brendin is a wise young man! 

Cultural Awareness 
Like culture shock, there is no set time frame as to how long you will stay in one stage. Typically though, you don't jump from one stage to the next. You may be at different stages depending on the individual situation, but normally each situation follows the same level of awareness. 

1. Unconscious Incompetence - The state of blissful ignorance. You are unaware of cultural differences. You are not aware that you may be making cultural mistakes or misunderstanding the culture and locals. You have no reason not to trust your instincts. 
We were here for a short time. But it didn't take long to realize the mistakes we were making. This stage was short-lived thanks to the team who let us know when we were not being culturally sensitive. 

2. Conscious Incompetence - You now see the differences between how you and the locals act, but you don't understand them, how many there are or how deep they may go. You know there are problems, but not sure the size of it. You doubt your instincts. You realize some things you just don't understand. You wonder how you will figure out these people. 
We were here for a while. It is very frustrating to know there are differences but not know what to do about it. Lack of language is very frustrating. There are still some aspects of this culture and the people that we think we will never figure out. 

3. Conscious Competence - You know the differences exist, you know what the differences are and you adjust your behaviour. Its not natural to adjust, but you do. You try to act in a culturally acceptable way. You are aware how you may be perceived by the locals. You are in the process of replacing old instincts with new ones. You know that one day you will be able to figure these people out. You remain objective. 
I'd say this is where we are at now. Some things come naturally, but for others we still need to make a conscious choice to react/act a certain way. We feel that for the most part we can figure out most of this culture. 

4. Unconscious Competence - You no longer have to think about what you're doing to do the right thing. Culturally acceptable behaviour is second nature to you. You can trust your instincts because they have been reconditioned by the new culture. It takes little effort for you to be culturally sensitive. 
We are not here yet with the locals. We feel that we are all here when with the team. We are getting here. It's a slow process, but we are learning. I'm not sure if we/foreigners are ever 100% at this stage. 

So there you have it. Culture Shock and Culture Awareness. Both have challenges. Both have successes. We are a 'little bit here', 'a little bit there'. It was informative to me to learn these stages. To realize that what we are going through is normal. To learn that we can be at different stages, depending on the situation, is good to know as well. It's also good to understand we may not master all these stages in a specific amount of time. 

I just wanted to share these stages with  you today. I don't know if it will help you understand the emotional side of things we wrestle with or not. We have faced these stages with the locals as well as with the team. When you think of a foreign team, you may assume non-Asian. Well, there are 12 adults on the team. 6 of us are what you may think of when you think 'foreigner'. The other 6 fit right in, although not Chinese. The other 6 have their own concerns with this culture. They, too, go through the stages of both categories. Its nice to know, that as a team, regardless of cultural background, we all go through the same things. 

Slowly we are learning the cultural norms. We have some figured out. Life today is far easier then life 11.5 months ago (still working on my year in review update). We feel that we fit in better. We understand the culture better. We know when we mess up. We know when we do something right. 

Through it all, we embrace the challenges. We are here for the long-haul. And like Brendin said, we are here with God's peace in our family.  

Torn

Working in a foreign country, in an orphanage, you should be thrilled when a you hear a child has been matched with a Western family and is getting adopted. Right? But what if you're not? Should a child ever be labeled "un-adoptable"? At what age? Is this even right? 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. A few weeks ago we had one 12yr old girl go to America to be with her 'forever family' and just recently a 12yr old boy has been matched with an American family. It is still unsure when he will go to America,  but likely before the end of the year.

On the surface these sound like great things. And most of me jumps with joy at the thought of these pre-teens having a forever family. Another part of me is worried about these kids. They are being taken away from EVERYTHING they know. Absolutely EVERYTHING!! I know we came here and was taken away from so many things we knew. But we  had each other! We all spoke the same language, we all came from the same culture, we were in this together. There is comfort in numbers. Our roots didn't change. These kids are going to a foreign country, on their own. Yes, they have a family that has come here to take them, but its not their family, not yet anyways. They go with strangers and are expected to call them Mom & Dad, Brother & Sister. The family has had, in most cases, years to plan for a new child to come into their family. The child may have a few months, and may or may not have pictures and letters from the family. This new family usually is not fluent in their language and the children here do not know much English. They know 'hello', 'how are you', 'bye bye'. For the most part, that may be all. 

So this new family comes to China, meets their new child face-to-face for the first time, spends a couple weeks in the country then everyone leaves together. The orphan now has a family. A mom & dad, siblings. This is not so bad. But...the child can not talk to the family because they speak different languages. The child behaves a certain way which has always been culturally acceptable and now gets scolded. The child has to eat this strange food, at strange times, using a fork & knife. Each person gets their own meal, there aren't community dishes in the middle of the table for everyone to share. There is no xiūxí {show she'}, rest, from 12:00-2:00pm every day. The school system is different - the child is way ahead in math, far beyond their peers (usually), yet cant read a word of English. They now have a new name. An English name. One they may not be able to pronounce.

We moved here together. With the core family unit all in tact. We all talk the same. We eat the same food. We use the same utensils. We're in this together. Yet we struggled. And still struggle at times.

The child is doing this on their own. Alone. No one who really 'gets it'. How scary is that?

I'm not saying these things cant be overcome. I'm not saying that the child is going to be worse off for moving to America. I'm not saying the family is not going to be a good forever family. 

What I am saying is that is going to be difficult. It's not an easy journey. It's going to be hard work, for everyone. I know this is the way with any adoptions. It's never easy. Coming from different culture just adds a whole new dynamic.

I am thinking that the younger the child, the easier it will be to adjust to everything new. I wonder if the less life experience they have in their home culture, the easier it is to adjust. 

There is no right or wrong. I don't have the answers. Every child is unique. Every family is unique. Every situation is unique. This is just something to ponder. Adoption is great, but is it always the right thing for older children from a different culture? I don't know. 

I pray these 2 children have great families. I pray they adjust well. I pray that in a few years they fit right in, as though they've always been there. I pray it is an easy adjustment. I pray they are happy. As happy as they are here. Even happier.